Back to the Grill Again

Just thought I'd catch you all up since the last time I wrote I was actually still living in SD. I kinda still am, but only like 20% of the time. The lion's share of my time is spent in my beloved LA! BaaaaaaaaBeeeeeeeeeeee!!!!!! I'm so glad to be back it's insane. First of all, to not have to drive 4 hours round trip to check out Flypoet and Kim Hill when they are happening is da bomb. Secondly, I am doing the Landmark coaching thing again, only this time I am coaching coaches AND participants. I am called a head coach, but I think it's because I get into their heads where they were hanging out all by themselves, and bring them back out to the world. Every person I touch is extraordinary, and the way they take on what I say to them is inspiring. Now, if I could just take my own coaching!

I am currently not seeing anyone as you can probably tell from yesterday's post. That is about to change, however, so don't trip. I have gone through four cell phone plans, and caused drama on a fifth. My problem is I have a lot of women who call me to talk about OTHER men, and I am long-winded. My car is not working as well as I'd like it to, as it needs a sensor in the tranny to the tune of $650 before I can even smog it's no current tag having self. My roommate in SD is getting engaged to the ex she once hid from out of fear. And last but not least, I am finally working, but at really low wages.

Regardless of the above, I am aware of the miracles in my life. Hello, I'm writing again! I can get anywhere I want, and there is a honey or two in my sights. One of which I cannot reveal my true feelings for until damn near my birthday. At first, that was bad, until I saw the romance of it. Life only sucks if you say it sucks, and I am giving that refrain a rest. I am the best head coach as far as stats go, and I am nowhere near satsified with that. I have set my goals so high that it just may be impossible to reach them. I don't care if I reach them, as long as the people I'm coaching get what they want out of their lives. By the way, I'm one of those people, and I want the "Impossible". RIGHT NOW! I'll start with my cell phone.

You Ain't Shit!

Hello and welcome back to my ramblings and rumblings. I have been on a vacation of sorts. "I just don't have the time to write" was the tape that played in my head whenever I remembered that I had a blog. The funny thing is, I had nothing but time. I just didn't feel I had anything to say of any worth. I still don't, so let me entertain you with whatever comes up...

First of all, I am officially horny, as it has been quite some time since the beast has been fed. That being said, I am not entirely sure I can trust the authenticity of the things running around in my head regarding women. On one side, I want to screw around a bit. On the other, I want a love partner, strike that, MY love partner. Yes.. that's right, I want my cake and to eat it as well. I was watching Antwone Fisher today, and I realized what I really and that is a woman such as the one Joy Bryant portrays in the movie. Beautiful, super smart, and completely supportive. I am noticing that the women I have been attracted to lately have at least two of those characteristics, but they are all lacking the secret extra quality I desire. Not one of them is Black.

I can truly say that I haven't seriously considered being in a long-term committed relationship with a non-black woman since the early 90's. In that relationship, I was totally in love, no question, but the race thing came up in discussions about what our children might have had to go through. She (white, in case you are wondering) had doubts as to whether she could deal with strangers looks and questions. I took that and ran with it. I decided that she was not serious about me, and therefore I should not be serious about her or any of the women that came after her. I could never let myself get hurt like that again, so I only approach non-black women, waiting for them to do something wrong while waiting for my perfect nubian queen to fall out of the sky into my lap. With this going on, I never have to commit to anyone. True happiness is something to wish for and despise others for having instead of something real and attainable for me right now. I am also clear that decision also was the result of an earlier decision where I decided women pretend to like me, but really don't.

I don't even try to approach Black women because I already know they don't like me. Basically, the theme music playing in my head when I see an attractive woman is the 25-minute disco/opera remix of "You Ain't Shit!" The way it shows up, is I'll be late, I have to be perfect, I'm not wearing the right stuff I'm too fat, she probably thinks I'm an idiot, and so on. It's not so bad that I can't win in this area compared to the idea that even if I won, it wouldn't be worth it. I don't play this game because there is nothing to win! Wow....

So I am re-writing that old tired song, and the new title is Breathtaking, Courageous, Man.

Watch out, top 40!