Back in Scum Diego

Back in the town where I usually draw breath. I was a little glad to see my house and car, but as soon as I stepped in the door, reality smacked me upside the head. I really had a lot of fun in Minneapolis, hanging with the Prince crew, making friends, hearing great music, etc. The reality is I am only home for about 20 hours, and 5 of those are committed to L.E. so I have bills to pay now and then I come home and sleep before my early flight to the wine country. Waaah! Poor me! I will drown my sorrows in a lovely zin tomorrow.

Down to Earth

So, the other night, a bunch of us rabid Prince fans were too wound up to go to sleep, and kinda hungry. You know what I mean, you are not starving, but you feel the need to put something in your gullet before retiring for the night, right? Well we were basically loitering in this grocery store, swapping stories and pretending to shop when the Man, Maceo Parker, walks in, basically in the same mode. So he joins us and we chat and talk story for like, half an hour. He was just like regular people, and actually happy to talk to us die-hards. I was in full-on blase LA mode, and he turned to me and introduced himself. I told him I used to play, and he asked what stopped me. I told him when I realized I was never going to sound like him, I went in different directions. He said it is never too late to pick up the horn, and instead of trying to sound like anyone else to just focus on sounding like myself. (Does anyone see a recurring theme?) Anyway, the point of this post is to say that I shook the hand of the Man! Everyone at Paisley Park is totally humble and and unaasuming. You have to ask people to find out who they are.

BTW, Norah Jones is scary good! She tore it up last night!

Report from Prince Camp

Hello all, I am writing from Chanhassen, Minnesota, the place where the Purple one dwells. so far, two nights of shows, and I am one tired mickey-fickey. First off, Delta sucks. We had to endure an "equipment swap" in Cincinnatti. Basically, they couldn't get the plane started, so we sat there for 2 hours before it was determined that we would need another plane. An hour later, we were at the head of the runway, and had to turn back to the terminal because the cargo hatch was not properly closed. This was a little better than my flight from Hawaii where we, also at the head of the runway, had to turn back because... we left behind some crew members!

I get to Paisley Park, and there are cars parked as far as the eye can see in every direction. Kim and I end up walking about a mile to get in the joint, but when we get there, Maceo is bringing the funk, for real. After he got done, Prince took the stage and basically did the "One Night Alone" show. Slightly disappointing in that I've seen it already.

Got back the next evening, and Sheila E. tore the place apart. Now, here was the problem. It was well over 100 degrees inside the sound stage because the air conditioning broke down. Everyone was sweaty funky but having a good time. After sheila finished, they cleared the building in an effort to cool down the house and and dry out the floors which were getting moist and slippery. After an hour or so, they brought us back in to Prince playing the piano and singing. He explained that the air conditioning was still not fixed, and he would sing a few songs, and then we would all go to the movies. 12 songs later, he got up and said follow my car, let's go see "Minority Report". We thought he was kidding... However, at 2am, 1200 fams filled up two theaters to watch the flick where about halfway through... the air conditioning went out! As George Carlin says, "Don't sweat the petty stuff, and don't pet the sweaty stuff!

I have so far made friends from Japan, Spain, UK, Italy, Canada, Chicago, Colorado, and run into a surprising number of LA folks. L8R4U!

Check out the thief

Click here to see a blog that looks strangely like mine, except it's got bunnies and other cutesey crap on it. This person also stole my cd and my Robeks cup. The only saving grace is I cannot use the cup in sd because there are no Robeks in sad diego. Will Drive For Juice!

To Blog or not to Blog...

That is the question, and the answer is, NOT RIGHT NOW! I'm only here because of guilt, I have three much s--t to do today! Maybe I'll get back lay-tuh. Did you get "Cookie - The Anthropological Mixtape" yet? No comments? ...Hmmm.

Wrecka Stow!

Get yo' self down to the Wrecka Stow and buy you up onea dem MeShell NdegeOcello albims rite now! I'll stop writing and wait for you to get back and play it. We cannot converse until it is in your brain! Go! I'll be right here....

Boba Fit

Today I had my first "Boba Fit." This is not to be confused with the ever popular Star Wars anti-hero, what I am referring to is a craving for a particular type of drink. My Boba drink of choice is Thai Iced Coffee. I know, you think you had this before at Thai BBQ along with your S1, but you are wrong! The Boba or "Pearl" part is these globules of tapioca that sit in the bottom of the drink. You are given a very wide straw so you can suck these things in along with the liquid. They look like overweight vitamin E capsules filled with brown, unflavored jello. when I first tried it, I was grossed out by the texture; a sort of softly squishy mess in my mouth. Imagine jelly beans that have soaked in water since easter, and you will be close to the feeling I had.

Now, I have become a fiend for the stuff. Acting on a hot tip from a hot chick, I went to the local 99 Ranch Market, and there it was the Boba stand of my dreams! I got my drinks and got the hell out of there before succumbing to yellow fever, but not before noticing a Sam Woo BBQ inside the store. I'll have to go back, that is for sure! Too much good stuff! Before I go, I must relate that "Boba" is a Taiwanese term for "big ones" as related to breasts. When I heard this,(Thanks Kim!) I got a visual of goin to the counter in Char-Bucks, (They BURN the coffee, and you idiots pay premium BUCKS for something that you have to put sugar in by the fistful to tolerate.) ordering a venti, big titty, non-fat carmel crackiato, and getting smacked by the salesgirl before getting all the words out. Maybe I need to sleep now! Find out more about the taste sensation that is sweeping the nation here

Insomnia

The latest film by director Chris Nolan of Memento fame is awesome! First, the film is very well paced, and even horse-faced Hilary Swank could not screw it up. Second the film is cut in such a way that it begins to create the experience of insomnia tha Pacino is going through. Third, Robin Williams in the most restrained role of his career makes the movie, and is creepier than Hanibal Lecter because he is so understated. I highly reccomend this film. Go now!

About Ugly

I would like some feedback on an idea that was bothering me as I was waking up this morning. A few years back, a film came out called "Heavy" about an overweight guy with low self-esteem who works as a short order cook at his mother's greasy spoon, and falls in love with the pretty, new waitress, (the utterly useless Liv Tyler) mostly because she is nice to him. I strongly identify with this guy, and know his pain. So the idea came to me today of a story where several unrelated characters become connected to each other in different ways. The catch is everyone in some way, thinks they are ugly. It would be a meditation on self-sabotage, and self-hatred. I got this from a scene in "Pay it Forward" where Helen Hunt is trying to seduce Kevin Spacey, and when he pulls away, she thinks it is because she is trailer trash, and uneducated while he is very well educated. She thinks she is beneath him. Meanwhile, He is horribly disfigured with burns all over his body, and thinks he is ugly while she is beautiful. He thinks he can never have her. The funny thing is, she doesn't care about what he looks like, and he could care less about her class or knowledge level. They are both so wrapped up in what they think about themselves, that they cannot see the person right in front of them, trying to love them. This to me is the definition of having your head up your ass. What do you think?

FreeCell Theory

By the way, in case you are wondering what the heck FreeCell is, it is a Solitaire based card game that comes with your pc. (mac? Can't help you there!) Anyway, you have to arrange the cards by suit in ascending order. If there are cards in your way, you have four free "cell" in which to temporarily store up to four cards. With no cells used, you can move as many as five cards at a time, with them all filled, you may only move one. That is basically the game, but there are tricks that you learn as you play more and more games. To me this is excellent practice for problem solving or as known by it's overpaid incarnation, producing. The hook of the game is in the knowledge that every game can be won, unlike Soli. No matter what hand you are dealt, you can overcome it, if you do things the way they need to be done. As my current employment often causes me to sit in one place for hours staring a computer screen, and waiting for my cue, I am usually playing this game to stave off the boredom that sets in exactly five seconds after the presenter begins his/her pointless tirade. It is easier to break away from a game than to interrupt myself from writing in the middle of a crucial plot point. Knowwhatumsayin'?

From The Word No

Graet news! Last night I figured out that I have a really screwy relationship going on. It's with the word no. Here is what I mean. When someone I don't care about says no to me, I am undaunted. In fact, I am energized by it. I play thousands of games of Freecell because I know that every game is winnable. So I will spend as long as it takes to get past the losses because I know there is a win somewhere out there. Sometimes, I just have to change the way I am thinking to beat the game, and that allows for a greater arsenal in battling these cards. Getting back to my point, I become weak and pathetic, even desperate when I get a no from someone I care about. Instead of being energized, I become lackadaisical. Hell, I might not even ask for something that I think I will get a no for, or even worse ask in a way that invites a no. I get wrapped up in what I think the person might think of me, or if they'll still want to be around me. I am a fiction writer by nature, so I have no problem with putting words into other peoples mouths. My friends and family are great people, but for some reason, I imagine them saying the most horrible things to me. I am a WRITER! It may happen as I go along in life that people will not like everything that I have worked like a dog to create, and I may hear no so much that I begin to think it is my name. I am a great writer, right now. The only way the world is going to know that is for me to give up my fear of looking stupid. I have to treat everything as if it is that Freecell game. The two quotes that helped me get this clear are:

"Never take a no from someone who never had the power to give you a yes."

"Behind the final no is a yes, and on that yes, the world depends."

I'll fill in the names for these quotes as soon as I can I verify them. Mahalo for reading!

Revelations

I happened upon a copy of Rez magazine lat night, and found out how Mike Figgis did Timecode. You know, the movie where the screen was split into four quadrants with different things going on at the same time? Check it! It's awesome because it tells several stories all at once without becoming too confusing and at the same time, each viewer sees a different movie allowing for infinite perspectives. Well, I always thought he sort of got lucky in the way everything sort of fell together. In the article, he stated that when he wrote the film, he wrote it on MUSIC PAPER! With each line equaling one minute of screen time, he was able to compose the film like a four part harmony piece. With a foundation like that, it makes the execution much more predictable, even with actors improvising the entire project in real time as was the case in this movie. What a breakthrough! I can write in this format and produce images and feelings that no one has ever seen before with a cohesivness I never thought was possible. I am pretty psyched! I also came up with the premise for my film yesterday, but I am keeping it a secret for now. Just know that IT'S ALL HAPPENING!

6 days, 7 nights

I am back from pineappleland, and I am hotter than fish grease! You don't even want to get anywhere near me anytime soon! I actually was feeling good for a minute there, and thought this time, maybe, if I timed it right, I could kick the %*$#!^ football. Of course this is what Lucy lives for, and as you can probably guess, pulled the damn ball out at the perfect moment to turn my kick attempt into something that looked, I'm sure, like some outtake from Crouching Tiger where I fly about 30 feet before crashing headfirst into a pile of yak dung. No wonder suckas are always tryin to call me Charlie or Chuck! I am for damn sure brown! To quote Britney, "Oops, I did it again!" I played myself...AGAIN! When will I ever learn! Once upon a time, in the land of 24 hour grocery stores, a young man dropped 64 pounds in 63 days. To celebrate, he summoned all of his closest friends for a cookout as he was and still is the GrillMaster. Upon seeing him in newly minted slimness, one alleged female friend exclaimed, "You look great! Now you will be able to get a girlfriend!" This statement rocked the young man to his very core. He had not done this to score chicks, and actually thought he was doing okay in that regard. (You should have seen his date that fine day!) He did what he did to prove that he could, and to make it easier to ride his bike up hills. This was evidence that something was WRONG with him, and he needed every possible advantage to be able to find someone who wanted to be with him. He now had a new task. He needed to prove this idiot(and the newly forming idiot in his head) wrong. He decided in that very moment to undo all of his hard work and still be attractive to the ladies. He went back to eating the accursed foods with their empty yet emotionally satisfying calories, and did not stop eating them until 16 days ago. In that time, the idiot in his head (much like the one who lives in the White House) amassed huge amounts of power through self-sabotage, mindgames, and good old ego-tripping. He pushed his body into the zone where people no longer correct you when you say you are fat. He looked around and saw no romantic prospects, only F.W.E. (Friends With Estrogen) Un daunted, he waded boldly into the thousands of F.W.E. proclaiming that he wanted to do the nasty with them. Sadly, at that point, for them, even the idea was nasty, and he was "let down gently" by means of "the speech." In time, he heard "the speech" so many time he was able to mouth the words along with the speaker of the week, in the same way one would mock the flight attendant's pre-flight instructions on the use of the seatbelts. The inner idiot seized the opportunity to whisper into his ear that these F.W.E. where not friends at all, but actually enemies.(E.W.E?) Eager to implement homeland security, this getting-less-young-by-the-day man began to blast away at his "enemies" sending some away forever. While pretending to attend a peace accord, he suddenly realized that he had been fighting the wrong enemy all along, and the idiot in his head went scurrying for the nearest cave, where the man's strike force bombers and radar could not find him. After some intensive searching, the man stopped looking and began to rebuild his body. The idiot, however, had left one boobytrap in his head that went undiscovered during the bombing raids. He accidentally se it off today, and it looked like this: "After you fix yourself, the women will come back and as you choose one, ask yourself why she couldn't see you when you were fat and broke?"

Promises, promises

Okay I folded. But the funny thing is I have not wanted meat. Well, in my head I do, but my body is not crying out for it. In fact, my body is saying, "I like the cleanse, let's go back!" This is great, but I'm afraid I won't be much fun on a date while I'm on it. "Would you like...anything?" "No thanks, just keep the water coming, please." Who would want to be out with that? I guess I have always asked that question about myself. Maybe now is a good time to stop, no? The good news is I have definitely lost some blubber. I no longer look six months pregnant, and I feel really good. This was not the primary thing I was going for, but it is a plus. In mere hours I will be winging my way to Hawaii, and I am a bit excited about it. I have never been to Oahu except the airport on my way to Maui, Kauai, or the Big Island. My roomie made a call and hooked me up with one of his buds over there to show me around and stuff. Should be interesting to finally see what nightlife looks like over there. I don't know what it is, but I feel as though a weight is being lifted from my shoulders and I am becoming free again. I am taking my note book so I can sketch out a story on the plane, which is a first. I usually can't wait to get into my seat so I can finally relax and go to sleep. Yes, I am one of those people who can go to sleep anywhere at any time. and sleeping on planes is VERY easy for me. Usually I'm out before we even push back, and I wake up in time for the beverage service, usually just before they get to me. It's a gift. But then again, if you look at the time of this post, you will recognize that I am chronically sleep deprived. Yes, I am a night person, big time. And a morning person, for about 2 hours. My body wants to sleep between 10am and 5pm, and outside of that, it's raring to go. Writing, writing, writing. I want to write a really steamy erotic story. I mean, I want to make the women in my writing group have to cross their legs while discussing it. I want it to be about seduction. I've got some ideas turning around in my head, hopefully one of them will stick. A funny thing happened to me today. I was in the grocery, attempting to decide which $6 toothbrush to buy, when my peripheral vision caught a really cute girl walk past the aisle I was in, slow down, and then walk past, only to come back and actually stand next to me pretending to look for a toothbrush for herself. Now when I say girl, I mean she was no older than, say, 15, so for me this was amusing and very flattering, but essentially useless.(or so I thought!) She made a comment, and I played along and we had a nice, but brief conversation. Brief because her family caught up to her, and came down the aisle wondering why she was looking at toothpaste. It was really cute the way she saw them coming and deftly moved a few steps away to make it look like we had not been talking. I should mention that she was asian, probably Cambodian or something in that region. She was so pretty I was hoping a way older siter would show up, but to no avail. After her family left the aisle, she caught my eye, and then moved to the next aisle in the opposite of the direction they took. and waited for me. I pretended I didn't notice, and moved on. It was really fun, and a big ego-boost, and writing about her is my way of thanking her. She gave me the courage to deal powerfully with someone around whom I feel powerless. When I speak to her, I am judging everything I say and deciding what she thinks about it. With all of this going on in my head, I cannot focus, and then I REALLY start to sound like an idiot. Anyway, it gets really ugly, and I just want to crawl into a hole. My little friend inspired me to just talk to her, be honest, say what is really on my mind, and just be with her. And after that, all I can think to say is, Aloha!

I am back! Better than ever! And lighter too! Today is day 7 of the minimum 10-day Master Cleanser. I am past the fogginess and food longings...sort of. I no longer feel physically hungry, it's more psychological. I actually broke down today while cleaning out the fridge, (Note to self: next time, CLEAN FRIDGE FIRST!) and ate some stale doritos and leftover couscous and a piece of bread with peanut butter. I am way past being a sweets person, the cleanse is basically lemonade, and I was craving salt. No excuse, just an explanation and confession. Now here is where the rubber meets the road... Do I continue this while I am in Hawaii? I go to Oahu wednesday, which would technically be my 10th day. I would then spend 3 days coming off the cleanse eating only raw fruits and veggies, leaving me only one day (spent largely on the plane) to eat "normally." With my failure today, it is obvious to me that I am not ready to run wild on an island where spam is considered a delicacy. Now my normal way of dealing with this would be to say, "Okay, you already screwed up the diet, go to Hawaii, have fun, come back and start over." I would actually be amenable to that if I could trust myself to pull it together once I got back, but previous experience... Whadya think?